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Resident Evil 5, you disappointed me.

The recent release of Resident Evil 5: Gold Edition made me remember: oh yeah, I played Resident Evil 5. That’s never a good sign.

I recall being terribly excited to play Resident Evil 5, because I loved Resident Evil 4 so much. I watched early trailers of the game with bated breath; I could hardly WAIT for it to come out.

Then it did.

I played it. I remain decidedly underwhelmed.

Continue reading ‘Resident Evil 5, you disappointed me.’


In the world of unfortunate names…..

This exists. Just thought you should know.


Resident Evil 4

How much do I love this game? SO MUCH.

Growing up, I wasn’t interested in shooters. Goldeneye left me cold. I played Halo’s campaign on co-op and enjoyed it, but never felt a burning desire to pick it up again. I didn’t start playing Resident Evil 4 until 2006, but as soon as I began, I fell madly in love. Continue reading ‘Resident Evil 4’


Assault is not sexy, Zoo Today.

I haven’t heard much about Heavy Rain since its release. I wrote earlier about my distaste for Quantic Dream’s focus on a female character’s sexual assault in the game’s marketing, and hoped that the scene might be handled more sensitively in-game than promotional materials suggested.

Last night, I stumbled across this on the website of “lad’s mag” Zoo. If you don’t care to click through and give a pageview to rape-appreciating misogynists, I’ve got you covered. The piece in question is a slideshow preview of Heavy Rain titled “The List: PS3 Goes X-Rated!” It focuses entirely on Madison Paige’s storyline, and includes several nude screen captures of her. It also includes this quote, which realizes my worst speculations about players finding Paige’s sexual assault at gunpoint “sexy”:

“What you’re supposed to do next [to avoid being forced to strip and save the female character’s life] is obvious fairly early on (hit him with a lamp, so that you can tie him up and interrogate him), but clearly we wanted to play the scene out for as long as possible. You know, for research.
We’re pretty sure that you would do the same.”

This text appears under a screenshot of Madison Paige naked in a shower. Her head hangs dejectedly, and the water is running down her hair into her face.

I am utterly and thoroughly disgusted. I realize this vile attitude comes from Zoo, a publication that exists to objectify topless women. Unfortunately, Zoo has many real, live, human readers who presumably share and support the views expressed in its pages and on its website. I originally found the idea of a simulation of a woman’s sexual assault being used as some sort of proxy for male players to experience a shadow of the degradation inherent in such an experience distasteful, but I found it far preferable to the thought of players being titillated by a woman’s violation. The appearance of the latter point of view on a popular magazine’s website forces me to revise my notion that only a few sickos might take pleasure in the scene.

There isn’t an adjective powerful enough to express how much this horrifies me.


Sony heralds the apocalypse

Last night/today’s global PS3 failure is supposedly fixed now, but I’m still prepared for a machine uprising à la Skynet.

Fortunately, countless hours of Resident Evil 4 have made me deadly with a riot gun.


Everything’s better with bourbon.

I’m jumping back into Bioshock 2, Old Tom Whiskey in hand.


All I want for Mass Effect 3 is plausible clothing

Game Informer’s Matt Miller posted an excellent Mass Effect 3 Wishlist today. I agree with most everything he said, but would like to add my biggest pet peeve about ME2 to the list:

I WANT THE FEMALE CHARACTERS TO WEAR SOME CLOTHING. Clothing that is flattering, that doesn’t look like it belongs at a fetish party.

In the first Mass Effect, the female characters’ costumes adhered to those guidelines. Yes, Ashley’s pink and white armor was silly-looking. Yes, it had boob compartments in the chest plate. Still, it looked like ARMOR. You had the option to change her into different armor, as well, so Ashley could wear green or blue or black instead of looking like Space Marine Barbie for the entire game.

Liara and other characters wore form-fitting bodysuits, but they looked like wetsuit-type garments that could fit inside armor when necessary, rather than ME2’s skintight latex. Continue reading ‘All I want for Mass Effect 3 is plausible clothing’

December 2019
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